she's got the saddest eyes i've ever seen

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-01-21T07:43:54Z

for the last time, folks. i have created a new livejournal. longshot_dreams. if you don't add it i will be forced to destroy you all. i even made it a pretty link so you can just click on it. unless, of course, you haven't added me because you hate me. in which case you're a fucker.

READ ME PLEASE THANKS

2003-12-23T03:38:12Z

dear everybody who is on my livejournal friends list. i made a new livejournal, the name is longshot_dreams i've already posted the address once, don't make me post it again! AND don't make me comment on all of the journals of the people that i've added and personally invite you to join the ranks of the elite by my new journal's right-hand side.

thank you. that is all.

let me hold it close and keep it here.

2003-12-19T08:24:00Z

so yeah... i made a new livejournal. i am going to slowly transition from this one to that one. i'm going to add people and stuff, tomorrow though. it's lateish, and i'm tiredish. i am going to be more honest, though. way back when, when i actually expressed things of substance i think i was more at ease with myself. so let's try to get back into that groove.

i read that notwist is playing in nyc on feb 2nd. thank you mike for this information. i believe i will have to go, and so will ryan, and so will my coworker jen. ah well, goodnight again.

oh yeah, the new livejournal name is longshot_dreams

nowtheysickenme @ 2003-12-16T04:07:00

2003-12-16T09:06:54Z

what's this!? they now make low-rise underwear! they do. modeled by yours truly. i just posted these to my community, heh. good times.

pictures from the holiday party, wee.

2003-12-16T08:50:41Z

we'll start with this one because everyone looks discontent, specifically michelle... and she is the only one is focus.

michelle and oliver blur city.

sharleen and oliver. awwwww.

sharleen is the cutest person alive. for serious.

sometimes she lays on the couch.

sometimes she hugs michelle.

sometimes we kiss michelle.

look! sharleen is trying to lick my neck!

look! it's me and heidi and we're as cute as can be. she's the best store manager ever. asian cheeks!

women's/wac team in full effect.

megan and sharleen. good times.

cassie and amanda tearing up the karaoke stage.

this is the kid who wouldn't stop staring at me and megan. his name is gay indie boy.

here is megan pointing at sharleen. sharleen is uncomfortable because other megan is drunk and wearing a real fur coat. sharleen wanted to stab her in the eye.

and finally, here is megan pointing and the guy from the rapture (high class party) who was spinning throughout the night.

yeah... pseudo good times.

hallelujah for sleeping pills

2003-12-15T19:41:42Z

so last night was the urban holiday party... damn.

all right, me and sharleen were bursting with energy and excitement; more than anybody else in the store. we met on the train and revealed our grand outfits. i ran into tina, i forgot how much i like her. sharleen liked her too. anyway, we got to the city and went to the veg-city diner. we had vegan pancakes, it was good times. the rain, however, was not good times. we got soaked, twice... but we finally got to urban, and we were both very, very excited. only to find out only two of the 15 or so people who said they were going to come actually went. those two were me and sharleen. cassie went, with steven and anthony. but cassie knew the kids from store 46 (the store we were at)... so she was giving them her attention and steve/anthony followed. amanda was there too, but shortly before coming to my store she worked at store 46... so the friend deal applied too.

anyway, we were alone... and lonely for quite some time. we were told before the party that absolutely no alcohol was allowed. not before, not during, not after... so obviously, me and sharleen had nothing to drink. so you'd guess our amazement walking into a room filled with drunk people. and you'd guess our amazement again seeing our managers come in drunk as well. it was very "do as we say not as we do" and as a result... we were uncomfortable and sober, while everybody else was very drunk and very social. bad times.

there was an award given to one person from each store. the VIBE award. it's given to someone who truly embodies the spirit of urban outfitters. and it's more than just doing work well... it's projecting the store in a positive light. being excellent at customer service. coming to work with a good attitude and making sure the customers see that good attitude... so you'd see how we were both amazed when a stock guy won the award. he's a hard worker... but he barely interacts with customers and he barely ever works on the floor... so i don't get it. we found out that each manager had to pick one person from each department they thought should win the award. which would have been fair if there were the same number of people in each department. but there aren't. there are 6 people in my department, 12 (or 14) people in women's, and only 2 people in stock... which means, if one stock guy is better than the other he gets a vote from every manager and automatically wins. not good times.

anyway, after the party everybody was going out drinking. and it was suggested that maybe we'd have a good time doing that... but sharleen had work at 7, and i'm underage... so we came home. sat behind some loud kids who had just come back from a mindless self indulgence show, transferred on to a train with no electricity (no lights, no heat), and then some guy tried to follow me home from the train station.

bad night?
no.
horrible night.

i did get pictures though, maybe we'll look happy in them.

ryan you need to come home now, not Friday.

nobody from our job showed up until about 30mins before the party ended.

nowtheysickenme @ 2003-12-13T22:09:00

2003-12-14T03:09:12Z

dear ryan pfluger.

when we are on the phone, arguing. do not put me on hold to reinact the argument to sarah meskin.

nowtheysickenme @ 2003-12-13T01:26:00

2003-12-13T06:26:34Z

sharleen. call urban as soon as you get up in the morning! i believe city plans have changed :(

this can't be. it hurts too much to breathe.

2003-12-12T07:06:59Z

Angels in America is indeed, amazing. I can't get over it. Like Mike before me, I am speechless. What amazes me more than this being filmed is that I feel it so much.

Feelings like this remind of me of this boy I'm completely and totally in love with. His name is Ryan Pfluger. I'm silly because I'm waiting up for him, and he's going out. I have work at 8... so I have to be up at 7. I know i'm not going to stay up any longer, I should have gone to bed 2 hours ago. I miss him so much.

Anyway, back to being hardcore. Um, yes... piss, blood, alcohol, dancing at shows, listening to obscure music, screaming, tight pants, etc. etc.

Sunday is the Urban Outfitters holiday party. I need to go out to the city and find a blazer. I do believe there is a chance one Ms. Sharleen will be going with me. Fun times... fun times indeed. Now it's time for bed.

ps. blood, piss, guns, alcohol, etc.

should i be with you? should i forget about me?

2003-12-08T19:41:50Z

every time i listen to rainer maria i think of heather and i smile a lot.

every time i think of heather i think of new paltz.

i miss ryan. so so much.

thanksgiving is boring.

2003-11-27T23:23:32Z

so i'm bored. i was doing a random journal search and i came across this girl. i don't remember he livejournal name, i was just reading entries not info. anyway, in one of her entries she talks about being half jamaican and half irish. she said she looks more black than white, but she's "not black". she "cannot be both" so she had to choose one. she chose white.

being biracial myself, people like that more than annoy me. they anger me to the utmost degree. i could never imagine myself as black kyle, or native american. i am kyle, who is both black and native american. and that's fine. i understand how it can sometimes be difficult to deal with as you're growing up; but to actively deny part of yourself is ridiculous, as far as i'm concerned.

eh, pathetic.

today at 7-11 some guy said "happy pilgrim day". shortly after that, he said "happy cracker day".

good times, good times.

ps. tomorrow is ryan's birthday and it's going to be so special. i bought him so many things, heh. kyle, you sure are amazing.

<3

2003-11-25T09:23:53Z

12/18/2003 @ Insomnia, East Meadow, NY (Long Island)
Alexisonfire, This Day Forward, On the Might of Princes, A Life Once Lost
THIS DAY FORWARD FAREWELL SHOWS we play 1st, come early. $10.00

otmop like whoa.

i'm a mess. i guess.

2003-11-23T23:54:04Z

i believe i will join the club, and edit my friends list. only difference is, i don't really think people should comment if they want to stay on. i mean... that's like, you proving to me that i think you're worthy or something to that effect. which is lame... but yeah. tomorrow i'll do what i have to do.
<3

i know that you need help but even i can't save you from yourself.

2003-11-21T06:32:28Z

i was thinking about this earlier tonight. how even though i'm not too happy with my body, i have no problem being open and talking about whatever part of it i feel like talking about. i'm also completely okay with sharing a picture or two. i hate the fact that most people feel like their genitals are something to be ashamed of. that said... there is ryan's picture.

and here is his website. http://www.pflotography.com
go there, seriously. he's very talented.

i hope everybody enjoyed looking at my penis. heh. i'm a funny guy. anyway... i gave a speech on the realities of animal abuse and the conditions of a slaughterhouse, and it went really well... i have to sleep soon, work comes at 8 am... i'll update when i get home at 4 tomorrow... i have more to talk about.

dance.

2003-11-17T05:35:02Z

i haven't updated in more than a week. i'm silly, and unproductive.

urban is treating me very well. lots of hours, lots of busy time. this means... lots of overtime. having money again is a good thing. i've realized i'm a retail whore, bouncing from store to store in roosevelt field mall. it's all good, though. i'm making lots of friends, and they seem to be friends with lot of my friends, and listen to the same music i listen to. i bought this jacket there. diesel like woah.

lip re-piercing plans have been mutilated, reconfigured, and reconstituded. that's fine. i will be piereced again kids, don't you mind. getting my tongue redone is also in the works. and i'm designing the rest of my back piece FINALLY. i need to get that work done soonish. because yeah... i want it. mods like what? mods like woah.

i'm graduating from nassau after next semester. then i am taking the following semester off to make money, and a portfolio... and then we're off to the wonderous new york city. to make something of ourself. i want to major in interior design, which is a little faggy, but whatever. maybe i'll spray some blood on a wall, and then it'll be scene.

those of you on or around long island should come to my store and visit. you can see the rooms that i helped design. the regional merchandiser liked them, so if you don't you're obviously insane. it's good work, i promise you this. i miss dawn, and matt, and jamie, and ali, and ryan, and john, and sarah.

that is all.

ps. geoff from thursday looks like golem.

beep.

2003-11-17T05:17:26Z

maybe i should stop being such an idiot, and get over some things. it happens.

why speak through false windows?

2003-11-08T06:40:21Z

ryan took this picture of me. amazing as usual.

i do not have a freak half penis. most of it is hidden in the shadows. thanks.

urban outfitters is going amazingly well. i love sharleen to death, and i'm looking forward to the possibility of julian coming down to visit her (us?) word. julian is good people, methinks. i like him a lot.

oh yeah, so i saw sam champion at the mall. he was walking around, holding hands with his boyfriend. his boyfriend looks like a taller, slightly less attractive version of tyson beckford. my friend said "your boyfriend is black!?!? kyle's boyfriend is white!!" and we all had a good laugh. ah, that darn sam champion.

-----

2003-11-08T01:37:17Z

i'm sorry, i didn't know being courteous was too much for you to handle. i hate how asking that people do simple things for me somehow makes me into some insane monster. i should just expect less.

i am clogging up your friends page but guess if i care.

2003-11-07T06:55:52Z

ryan made a picture of me. i'll post it. right here.

i wrote this out during my interdisciplinary global studies class. yeah... that's life in a few months. i'll still be working 5 day weeks, i bet. and maybe that's fine because money is a good thing.

maybe tomorrow i'll smile a little bit more.
goodnight.

blah.

2003-11-05T06:25:36Z

dear anybody,

please stab me in the throat.

love,
kyle.

nowtheysickenme @ 2003-11-03T22:39:00

2003-11-04T03:38:30Z

i hate feeling like i can't talk about things, or that i can't be honest about things. blah.

ps. happy birthday.

nowtheysickenme @ 2003-11-02T04:18:00

2003-11-02T09:18:26Z

before i go to bed...

i saw heather today. and it made me really, really happy. we had a good hug.
<3 heather <3

i seriously need to stop leaving ryan, it's going to make me crack in two.

i just heard the new britney spears song, and i can't stop dancing.

i start at urban outfitters in the morning, at 10. i should be sleeping but i'm nervous. wish me luck.

nowtheysickenme @ 2003-11-01T02:21:00

2003-11-01T07:21:37Z

excepts from the quotable sarah meskin.

"my head is like a sphere!"

"it tastes like burning!"

"do you know how much that equals in BIG twizzlers?"

"if this tastes like christmas, then christmas tastes bad"

note: sarah is flying high on benadryl and goldschalger.

3rd post in 5 minutes

2003-10-31T15:02:50Z

ellen is dr. phil for halloween. amazing.
if she weren't a lesbian and i weren't gay
and if she weren't 45 and i weren't 20
and if she didn't wear manlier pants than me whoa...
watch out.

hmm.

2003-10-31T15:00:17Z

sometimes i think people post in invisible text. that clears up a lot of things, doesn't it?