| she's got the saddest eyes i've ever seen's Journal |
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she's got the saddest eyes i've ever seen
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[03 Nov 2003|10:39pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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music |
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funeral for a friend - the art of american football |
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i hate feeling like i can't talk about things, or that i can't be honest about things. blah.
ps. happy birthday.
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[02 Nov 2003|04:18am] |
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mood |
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goodnight |
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music |
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Shai Hulud - Outside the Boundaries of a Friend |
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before i go to bed...
i saw heather today. and it made me really, really happy. we had a good hug.
<3 heather <3
i seriously need to stop leaving ryan, it's going to make me crack in two.
i just heard the new britney spears song, and i can't stop dancing.
i start at urban outfitters in the morning, at 10. i should be sleeping but i'm nervous. wish me luck.
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[01 Nov 2003|02:21am] |
excepts from the quotable sarah meskin.
"my head is like a sphere!"
"it tastes like burning!"
"do you know how much that equals in BIG twizzlers?"
"if this tastes like christmas, then christmas tastes bad"
note: sarah is flying high on benadryl and goldschalger.
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| 3rd post in 5 minutes |
[31 Oct 2003|10:03am] |
ellen is dr. phil for halloween. amazing.
if she weren't a lesbian and i weren't gay
and if she weren't 45 and i weren't 20
and if she didn't wear manlier pants than me whoa...
watch out.
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| hmm. |
[31 Oct 2003|10:01am] |
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mood |
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less annoyed, more tired |
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music |
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peter murphy - i'll fall with your knife (still) |
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sometimes i think people post in invisible text. that clears up a lot of things, doesn't it?
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| if you don't kill her, i will |
[31 Oct 2003|09:58am] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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peter murphy - i'll fall with your knife |
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jesus christ...
someone needs to put a bullet in kelly ripa's head
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| and you've got those sexy legs. |
[29 Oct 2003|01:52am] |
ahhh. the crazy over-protective boyfriend strikes again! i think i have to point out the fact that my over-protectiveness doesn't stem from me thinking outside forces are ready and waiting to take my boyfriend captive, it's because of my own insecurities. i feel like if i hold on to him tighter, he'll never run away. and he won't without me holding... but it makes things more secure. i just want a guarantee of stability, and if that means going at people with my teeth grinding and a bat in my hands, then so be it. it makes me feel very much like a story-book man, defending the rights of his lady and lover, which is sickening but sweet at the same time. the fact of the matter is, i love ryan more than blah blah blah and he knows it and blah blah blah. sappy sappy sappy. crap. the end.
in other news. i love dawn to bits.
decorations fell: dawn, you're going to end up marrying underage gay men all across america
killlingacamera: i know, its sad :-( i'll never get any, but at least i can sit and stare
killlingacamera: and shop with them
how can you not love this girl?
so... i got three of my four midterms back. two A's and an A+. i'm proud of myself, i think. i'm doing well in all of my classes, i think. so that's good news. i don't know. i'm very much flustered right now. and i miss john a lot. i need john, dawn, and matt to live in my pockets.
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[28 Oct 2003|04:12am] |
i can't sleep. i'm a bit too tired to listen to music, so i'm hoping this typing will bring on a wave of exhaustion. yeah, me and ryan made a livejournal community. it's called ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) suicide_boys. it's basically for um... guys who like to take their clothes off. if you're on my friends list, and there is a little slut growling at the back of your throat, dying to get out... and if you've got a penis. join and post some dirty pictures. it's all in good fun.
in other news, i hate feeling like i have to compete for attention. everybody shouldn't love me all of the time. but somebody should love me sometimes. that's fair. no? shut up, it's fair. having to wait until 2:30am to talk to ryan on the phone is making me insane. i don't feel like being up that late, waiting for some vocal love. see that ryan!? call me before the second conan comes on.
so i belive next friday will be spent in new paltz. spending a wonderous halloween in the woods... sort of. i really want to go as peter pan, but i'm having troubles trying to convince ryan to be tinkerbelle. i think i'm going to end up being "man in zip-up" instead. we'll see. maybe the mohonk kids will want to get down kyle style, and tear some halloween shit up? (that isn't a request, that is a plea. if i don't get alcohol in these veins soon, i may become a shell of the man i used to be).
nice... i'm exhausted. but i still feel like typing. did i mention i'm an amazing boyfriend because i wake ryan up every day 5 hours before i have to be awake? yeah... caring. what you know about it? we're coming up on a year, and i'm very, very excited. ryan may be drama, and he may have an attitude, and he may be an art snob, and he may say the wrong things all of the time, and he may have a very "all for me" attitude... haha... but i love him. because he's amazing and special, and he's very, very good to me and his friends too. he's such a good person, i don't know how i can really get him what he deserves for our anniversary. he's actually lucking out, because our anniversary and his birthday are on the same day. (our anniversay is actually earlier, but we won't get into those matters) so he's getting presents for his birthday, and our anniversary, and a month later it's christmas. i'm using my newfound discount at urban outfitters liberally... as i know he is quite fond of the diesel jeans.
my camera is broken, i'm pretty pissed about that. but tomorrow i get to see matt, so the world seems a little bit brighter. i wonder if anybody will read to the end of this post. furthermore, i wonder if anybody will comment.
i often think of the summer, when i spent the night at grove st. and i woke up to megan and heather. that makes me smile.
here is a picture for your troubles.
goodnight.
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| I LOVE SARAH EXTRAVAGANZAAA |
[25 Oct 2003|04:36pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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The Blood Brothers - Rescue |
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first it has been noted and documented that ryan tries to destroy her. this should not be, as she is both amazing and adorable.
i love ryan more than you know. i really do.
i trust him more than anything. i do not, however, trust other people. not ALL other people... just certain other people. all i will say is that it's important to respect the boundaries of a relationship and know when it's inappropriate to say certain things. and that's that.
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[23 Oct 2003|03:57pm] |
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mood |
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cold |
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music |
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Give Up the Ghost - Love American |
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AS I WAS SAYING EARLIER BEFORE THOSE COMMENTS INTERRUPTED ME!
yeah, so i was getting ready to leave for school, i threw some pants, put on my jacket, grabbed my bag, and ran to the door. i open the door and the mailman is there. i said hi, and put my hand out for the mail. the mailman's jaw drops, and he just goes "jesus fucking christ man, wow... that is... wow" i was completely perplexed by this until i closed the door and walked through the hall, i look into the mirror... and yeah... penis hanging out of the fly. i forgot to button my pants.
now i feel like some freak. a mail man offender. i wonder if i could be fined for that. anyway... time to pack for a mini-trip.
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[23 Oct 2003|12:10pm] |
alright, it needs to be said. i have a huge penis.
why am i saying this?
details to follow.
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[22 Oct 2003|04:04am] |
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mood |
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still tired |
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music |
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cowboys became folk heroes - birth of a broken language |
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blah another update.
i forgot why i don't watch television anymore. it's complete and utter bullshit. i can't take media portrayal of gays anymore. i really can't.
I HATE CHIFFON AND BACKLIGHTING!
I HATE VELOUR AND SHORT SHORTS!
if i weren't so calm, cool, and collected. i'd take my size 13 shoe and kick some moral majority asscracks.
in somewhat related news, i am completely and totally in love with one mr. ryan timothy pfluger. boys who like boys who like cowboys became folk heroes are awesome. me being one of them. when me and ryan get married, i'm going to paint the walls of a room black and the ceiling red. this room will be reserved for my dancing. bring the mosh like it's nobody's business.
okay, i'm tired. goodnight.
ps. dear everybody who thinks my boyfriend is hot and wants to make out with him. try it and i'll break your face, i kid you not. i will not stop punching until i taste blood.
double goodnight.
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[22 Oct 2003|03:48am] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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As I Lay Dying - Behind Me Lies Another Fallen Soldier |
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elliot smith died.
i don't listen to him or anything, but a man who stabs himself to
death deserves a spot in my livejournal.
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[22 Oct 2003|02:43am] |
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mood |
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blank |
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music |
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a silver mt zion - the triumph of our tired eyes |
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so i got the job at urban outfitters. that is grand. i start next week. i'm excited, very excited. when heidi called me back to tell me i was hired, we both squealed on the phone. yes, i squealed. but then after that i watched porn and put on orchid, so it was manly.
blah.
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[21 Oct 2003|12:28pm] |
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thanks for telling me you weren't coming to pick me up to go to school today leanne. good work.
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| Embrace the sweet sound of self destruction. |
[21 Oct 2003|01:23am] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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Circle Takes The Square - A Disclaimer To The Self |
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my turtle is being very fussy. he needs a tiny turtle laxative. since i'm a bullshit fucktard, and i'm horrible at replying to comments or even keeping up with this journal, i guess i'll give it a go.
first off... i am instituting the patch, and adding mike to my friends list. that shouldn't matter to anybody but him, and i hope it does.
the more i see ryan, the more i miss him. i'd like for us to spend more time together during the school year, but that's pretty much an impossibility. i do, however, have the chance to go see him this weekend for almost free. i think i'm taking sarah up on the offer. it'll be good, i think... it'll be fun.
i was reading through this book ryan started making me last year. it's crammed with memories of our initial meeting/joining. pictures from that party at the boys' apartment, and me playing twister with jamie and john. it's nice... it makes me smile. everyone should be jealous of me, because i have him in my life. and he's super duper.
here is my current job situation, for those of you who care. i used to work at h&m, where i was being grossly mistreated. so i got a job at this place called LAW jeans. whatever... it's a job, it's money. now i had a group interview with the people at urban outfitters. it went amazingly well, i talked with the store manager for 2 hours... just bullshitting. we sang the postal service and danced together... we sang bright eyes and pretended to cry together. after that, they said they'd get back to us by next wednesday, to see if they wanted us working there or not. so... i get a call the next morning. saying that they wanted me to come into the city to meet another manager. i did that yesterday, on sunday (with ryan and josh [josh is amazing, we're friends]) and he (oliver) said my application was amazing, i passed the survey with good marks, now all that was left was contacting my references... and then i'd pretty much have the job. on my way out, heidi said we'd most likely train in the city for a few days, and then megan (who is another manager) said that if i knew anybody like me "with amazing style, and nice looks" that i should refer them to the job, because they're intersted in people.
okay... now my friend who applied the same day as me got apostcard saying she was rejected. i, of course, did not.... so i'm apprehensive right now. because i want the call to finalize my employment. it's cool.... i'll have about 4 weeks of paycheck keeping me afloat, so finding out right this second isn't going to make or break me. but... i'm prone to panic, and i'm good at worrying. so... we'll see. perhaps i'll be working at urban outfitters as the keyholder. perhaps i'll get 45% off of every purchase i make. perhaps...
ryan can be quite the art snob.
i don't feel like going to school tomorrow. i do want to see matt though. i'm pretty sure i did well on my personal finance midterm. we'll see tomorrow.
um... yeah...
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Wield words like knives and razor wire. A kiss goodbye is a kiss of death. Conducting our ballad with seven broken strings. A sound so sanguine until our ears bleed. Orchestrating until we bleed.
...
bye.
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[17 Oct 2003|03:39am] |
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i'm really bad a responding to posts. i realize that now. thank you for your comments. <3
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| shake it like a polaroid pictuuuuure |
[14 Oct 2003|12:21pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
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music |
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Usurp Synapse- Good Luck With Your Book.mp3 (1:00) |
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you know what. this is hot so it deserves to be posted, and yes, i am clogging your friends page with a picture. cheers.
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[11 Oct 2003|10:43am] |
dear life, sorry.
i apologize for my late night ramblings. ninja turtles is on. word.
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